Color Me Conan

Spoiler Alert: If you haven't seen "The Legally Prohibited From Being Funny On Television Tour" or as I like to call it "The Legally Prohibited From Being Funny on Television Traveling Tour", stop right here. Just close your eyes and hum while you scroll through the rest of this.

Conan rockin' the lilac paisley look like a pro.

A collection of images, a greatest hits for the eyeball, if you will, of the tour poorly illustrated for your viewing pleasure. If you enjoy it, swing back in June and see some more choice wordage and additional illustrations in Ironocle's third issue. Free for everyone who knows how to click a mouse!

A possible interactive coloring book option for the Ironocle website is in the works. Because, honestly, what Conan fan doesn't want to bust out some digital Crayolas and color their own paisley covered Conan? Well, maybe not the colorblind, but they're not really people anyways.

Reggie Watts + Mic + Stacking = Mind Blow

Pre-tour Conan, Jumbo sized for only $.45. You just can't turn down a deal like that.

Color Me Conan: Continues

Hey, wait there's more.

No need for words.

The semi-sweet gigantic blow-up bat prop. No traveling tour should be without one.

Andy did an amazing reenactment as Link Appleyard from the movie "The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance". Brought the crowd to tears and caused multiple premature births, I swear on my third mother's grave.

Horn threesome.

Color Me Conan: Continues Again

More you say? Hell yes, more!

I think this caption would read: "Get me another cat!"

The epic return of a Late Night favorite.

...and he survived.

Continuing his epic journey with his trusty friends: the masturbating bear, an insult comic dog, a rollicking band of traveling minstrels, the incomparable Andy Richter, and magical fire beard to slay the angry unicorn crabs of Eternia.

The End.

Time Traveling To Win

At what lengths would one go to win front row tickets to Wrestlemania? Correction, at what lengths would one go to win front row tickets to Conan O'Brien's "Legally Prohibited From Being Funny On Television Tour"? Well I can't speak for you, I wish I could then maybe Arrested Development would still be on TV and there would be an optional rocket button in cars, but I can't. Not yet. Until then, here's what I'd do to win those precious CoCo tickets:

I Want CoCo! Pick Me!

Four Twenty

Here's to all you happy stoners out there! Puff long and gently, folks. As for me, I can't say I've really participated. I look forward to another holiday dealing with the blowing of "air" if you get my drift. It's for people who enjoy more than one of the senses. Still can't guess it? Sound is one of them. I think you know what I'm talking out... Well, check out the link and mark your calendars.

>>HERE

Love,
Ironocle

Bologna, The Green Meat

Bologna gets a bad wrap. I'm here to stand up for it and, hopefully, reinvent how we look at that pink little snack meat. Everyone associates bologna as a lesser meat. It's made of the parts we don't want to eat. Usually, if we do buy it, we don't really eat it. It just sits there in the meat drawer for a couple of months until we find it caked with white mold and throw it away in disgust. When we do use it, we slap it into a kid's school lunch sandwich, spray some yellow mustard, and never give it a second thought. While we, the unfettered adults, go out enjoy a delicious turkey panini with chipotle sauce. Mmm. I mean, seriously, you would choose a roasted turkey panini over a white bread bologna sandwich just about any day, right? Right. No, one is going to deny that bologna sandwiches are a terrible tasting, especially when you compare it to an angus beef sandwich oozing of provolone topped with Portobello mushrooms on sourdough. Or a barbecue chicken with jalepenos dripping with caramelized onions on honeynut bread. Oh god, the possibilities are endless! I digress, you are not going to find many sandwiches that are lesser than a bologna. Maybe, the tired pb&j, but you can really class that up if you add some craisins, bananas, and sliced almonds.

By now you're probably thinking, okay, we can't make the bologna better tasting, let's make all the other sandwiches worse! Add some Habanero sauce on every type of meat in the deli showcase. Really shame that maple smoked ham that everyone likes by sprinkling some ground up moth balls onto each cut… Wrong! And to be frank, that's a little preposterous to bring up. Not to mention a little unsafe. So here's my pitch, let's advertise bologna as an environmental friendly meat. It really is made of the scraps of various meat parts we'd usually throwaway, we can't change that. But- hear me out - we will call it recycled meat! Let's embrace what makes it gross and turn it into something that people can stand behind.

Shoppers are willing to buy earth friendly products over earth deadly products because, let's face it, guilt. Example? Recycled toilet paper. It feels super rough on your nether regions, but, hey it's environmentally friendly so we use it. The public will wipe themselves with recycled newspaper as long as they know those sweet little pine trees are safe out there. Now if people are willing to choose sandpaper over the angelically soft Charmin's, than we are in business. Guilting consumers to buy a recycled meat should be and is just as easy. People already feel guilty when it comes to meat. PETA's images of hormone pumped cows in over crowded stalls and beak-less chickens have done that. So I say, let's push people a little further, and see if they are willing to contribute to a worthy cause and eat recycled meat. Then all those weary eyed pigs will at least be used in totality and not just for their delicious parts, like bacon. Then we can sleep with a clean conscious for doing the right thing; buying bologna.

Bologna, the earth conscious, environmentally friendly meat, the meat that not only saves you money in your bank account, but saves your children's future. Bologna looks pretty good now, doesn't it? Heck, we can even market an organic brand, too. The recycled, organic bologna for the true heros. Buying that will definitely make you a better person.

IRONO-MONO-VISION

The Future?